Kapri: 0:44

Hello and welcome to another episode of Reframing the Membrane. I'm your host, Kapri. Today we're going to gently unpack a topic that many caring and compassionate people experience without even realizing it vicarious trauma. In simple terms, vicarious trauma is the emotional and psychological impact of witnessing or hearing about trauma that happens to others. It's sometimes called secondary trauma or even described as the cost of caring for others in pain. You don't have to go through a traumatic event yourself to be deeply affected by it. Sometimes caring can hurt too. Now, this is an important and tender topic, so let's approach it slowly and with care. A gentle note and tender topic, so let's approach it slowly and with care. A gentle note as we talk about trauma and stress, be kind with yourself. If, at any point, you need to pause, take a breath or step away, please do. You can always come back whenever you're ready. Your well-being is the priority. So what is vicarious trauma? Have you ever felt drained or upset after helping someone through a difficult time, or even just from watching distressing news on TV? Maybe you had trouble sleeping after hearing a friend's harrowing story, or you felt a wave of anxiety after seeing footage of a disaster. If so, you may have experienced vicarious trauma.

Kapri: 2:06

Vicarious trauma is essentially trauma by proxy. It happens when we internalize others' trauma through empathy and exposure. Unlike direct trauma, which comes from events we personally live through, vicarious trauma is a byproduct of empathy. It's what can occur when you care deeply and bear witness to someone else's pain. Your mind and body can actually begin to respond as though you had experienced the trauma, even though you haven't, simply because you are empathizing and imagining what the person went through. In plain language, vicarious trauma means that the stories, images or emotions of another person's trauma stick with you and start to affect your own well-being. Psychologists first identified it in the 1980s and professionals who work with trauma survivors noting it as the cost of caring for others a term by Dr Charles Figley. But you do not have to be a therapist or a first responder to feel this.

Kapri: 3:05

It can affect anyone. For example, if you're a caregiver or a nurse, you might go home with the weight of your patient's pain on your heart. If you're an activist or a social worker, hearing daily accounts of injustice and violence, those stories might haunt you at night. And if you're a parent or a friend supporting a loved one through trauma, their nightmares might become your nightmares, even if you're just an empathetic consumer of media, constantly seeing news of tragedies or scrolling through social media posts about violence or disaster, you might start to feel anxiety, fear or sadness as if you were directly affected.

Kapri: 3:46

In the past, vicarious trauma was mostly discussed in the context of helping professionals so therapists, emergency responders, humanitarian workers and so on and indeed it is very common in those roles. Some estimate that between 40 and 85 percent of professionals in fields like healthcare, counseling or social services will develop vicarious trauma or related symptoms at some point in their career. But today, with our 24-7 news cycle and social media, anyone can become a secondary witness to trauma. We're all connected, for better or worse, to the pain of people across the world. To illustrate how powerful indirect exposure can be, researchers that studied the 2013 Boston Marathon bombing found that people who watched excessive media coverage of the bombing at least six hours a day in the week after the event actually reported more acute stress symptoms than people who were at the marathon in person. Think about that. Some folks who were nowhere near the tragedy ended up more shaken simply because of what they saw and heard through media. In the study, every additional hour of watching those traumatic images and stories increased people's stress responses. That's a dramatic example of vicarious trauma at work and a sign that our brains can't absorb trauma, even through screens. So in summary, vicarious trauma is a kind of secondhand trauma. It can accumulate slowly over time. Each story you hear, each image you see, each person you help, a piece of their suffering can lodge itself into your mind and body and if we don't recognize what's happening and take care of ourselves, those pieces can build up into real distress. You might wonder what does vicarious trauma actually look or feel like? How do you know if you're experiencing it? That's a great question.

Kapri: 5:38

Vicarious trauma can mimic many of the symptoms of direct trauma. It can affect your mind, emotions, body and even your view of the world. Let's break it down a little bit more. Emotional and psychological signs you might start feeling a constant sense of anxiety or worry, or an overwhelming sadness or helplessness that you can't quite shake. Many people report feelings of anger or rage about what happened to others, or even guilt like a survivor's guilt by proxy to others, or even guilt like a survivor's guilt by proxy feeling bad that you're safe while others suffered. Over time you may feel numb or emotionally exhausted, as if you've run out of empathy to give. Little things might irritate you more easily, or you could swing between feeling okay and then suddenly feeling despair or panic. Some develop a sense of cynicism or hopelessness, thinking things like what's the point of trying to help if suffering just continues? This cynicism is a protective shell. It's your mind's way of coping with too much pain, but it can distance you from the joy and meaning in your work or life.

Kapri: 6:47

There are some cognitive effects of vicarious trauma that can change the way you see the world and yourself. You might find that your worldview becomes darker, for example, losing trust in others or seeing the world as fundamentally safe, unsafe or cruel. These are sometimes called disrupted belief systems. So you may have intrusive thoughts or images that pop into your head about the traumatic things you've heard and seen. This could even include nightmares or flashbacks related to the things you've heard or seen or other people's experiences. You might have trouble concentrating or making decisions because part of your mind is stuck processing those stories in the background. Some people report feeling detached or not quite present in their own life because their mind is fixed elsewhere, replaying what they've learned or worrying about the people affected.

Kapri: 7:45

And there are physical effects as well. Our minds and bodies are deeply connected. When we carry others' trauma, our bodies often bear the load. You might experience sleep problems such as insomnia, restless sleep or even fatigue, even after rest. Stress hormones can be on overdrive so you could feel on edge. Your heart races or you startle easily at loud sounds, similar to how someone with direct trauma might feel in flight or fight mode. Chronic stress can lead to headaches, muscle tension or stomach aches with no clear medical cause. Some people have changes in appetite or they get sick more often because their immune system is run down. You might even find yourself short of breath or having panic attacks when something reminds you of the stories you've heard. The body basically says I'm under threat, even if you personally are not, because it has absorbed the sense of threat from someone else's trauma. You also might experience behavioral and relational changes.

Kapri: 8:49

Vicarious trauma can also affect how you behave and connect with others. You might start avoiding certain situations or topics because they remind you of the traumatic material, for instance, avoiding the news or avoiding conversations. That could lead to hearing about more pain, which isn't necessarily a bad coping strategy in moderation. On the other hand, some people become hyper-engaged and trying to help or fix things almost compulsively, which can be a sign of not being able to let the trauma go. You might withdraw from friends or family, losing interest in social activities so social isolation because you feel nobody understands what you've witnessed, or you just don't have enough energy to engage. Irritability and mood swings can also strain your relationships. One moment you're okay, the next you snap or break down without an obvious reason. It can be confusing for both you and your loved ones. That's a lot of potential effects. But the key takeaway is vicarious trauma can pervade all aspects of our being our thoughts, feelings, body and relationships. In severe cases, it can even start to look like post-traumatic stress disorder. In fact, experts note that vicarious trauma often involves symptoms very similar to PTSD, such as intrusive memories, emotional numbing, avoidance of reminders and hypervigilance. The difference is that these symptoms come from indirect exposure rather than something that happened to you directly.

Kapri: 10:22

Before we continue, let's take a mindful pause here. We've been naming a lot of heavy experiences. Take a moment to notice your body right now. Are your shoulders tense? Is your breath shallow or fast? If you feel comfortable, gently allow yourself to take a deep breath. Inhale deeply and slowly through the nose and exhale slowly through the mouth. You might even place a hand on your heart or your belly and just let yourself breathe for a few seconds.

Kapri: 10:57

It's not easy hearing about trauma, even secondhand, like this, so give yourself permission in this pause to feel whatever you feel. It's okay. If talking about these symptoms is stirring something in you, maybe you're recognizing some of them in yourself. Know that you're not alone and that feeling this way doesn't mean something is wrong with you. It means you're human and you've been open-hearted to others' pain. Your empathy is not a weakness. It just needs some care and attention. Your empathy is not a weakness. It just needs some care and attention, which we'll be getting into next, now that we have a sense of what vicarious trauma is and how it can manifest. You might be wondering how is this different from other terms like burnout or compassion fatigue. These concepts are related and sometimes people use them interchangeably, but there are some nuances worth understanding.

Kapri: 11:50

Burnout is usually talked about in the context of work and chronic stress. Burnout isn't specific to trauma. Anyone in a high-pressure, emotionally draining situation can burn out. It's defined by deep exhaustion, feeling cynical or detached from your work or the people you serve, and a sense of inefficacy, like you're not accomplishing anything or not good at your job anymore. Burnout often builds up from overwork, long-term stress and lack of adequate rest or support. If you're burnt out, you might feel mentally fried, irritable and empty and empty and you might start to dread going to work or caring for others, not because of their trauma per se, but because you're simply exhausted and depleted. Burnout can happen in any profession teachers, corporate jobs, parenting, etc. Not just in trauma-related fields. It often improves if you take a substantial break, reduce your workload or change the environment causing the stress.

Kapri: 12:54

Compassion fatigue is a term that is very close to vicarious trauma. Some experts use it to basically mean the same thing as secondary trauma, while others use it to specifically describe the gradual lessening of compassion over time that can happen to caregivers. It's been described as the high cost of caring. Compassion fatigue often shows up as emotional and physical exhaustion, reduced empathy and feeling numb or indifferent to those you care for. It's like your heart's batteries have run out. If you've ever found yourself saying I just don't care anymore, I'm too tired, that might be compassion fatigue. Talking. It tends to develop from constant exposure to others suffering without adequate recovery. In essence, compassion fatigue is one facet of vicarious trauma, specifically highlighting how your capacity to care and empathize can shut down when it's overloaded. So, putting it together, vicarious trauma is a broad term for the changes that are psychological, physical, emotional and spiritual that happen in you from absorbing others' trauma. Those changes can include things like compassion fatigue, losing empathy, and can contribute to burnout, feeling exhausted and ineffective.

Kapri: 14:13

One way to differentiate is vicarious trauma often refers to the deep internal changes and trauma-like symptoms that result from secondary exposure. For example, you might startle at loud noises or feel unsafe in the world after working with a trauma survivor because you've internalized their experience. Compassion fatigue is more about what you feel toward others. You've cared so much for so long that you hit a wall and go numb or distance. Your compassion tank is empty, so to speak, and burnout can happen with or without trauma exposure. You're just exhausted, overworked and disengaged, often due to systemic stress or workload, and it can make you cynical or depressed about your job. Stress or workload and it can make you cynical or depressed about your job. Burnout might make you less effective or less caring, but it doesn't typically give you nightmares or intrusive trauma images. That's where vicarious trauma goes beyond standard burnout. It's also worth noting that the solutions for burnout versus vicarious trauma might differ a bit. Burnout might be solved by a vacation or reducing workload, for example, whereas vicarious trauma and compassion fatigue might require more targeted strategies to process the trauma content you've absorbed. Of course they can all overlap. Someone can be both burnt out and vicariously traumatized at the same time, especially in tough caregiving jobs. But it's helpful to name the problem correctly, because someone who is mainly suffering from vicarious trauma might step away from work for a week and still have nightmares or feel unsafe, meaning the issue wasn't just too much work, it was the unresolved trauma material they were carrying. We'll talk more about how to address that material in a healthy way.

Kapri: 15:59

Let's ground this in a few more everyday examples to really paint a picture of how vicarious trauma can show up in different walks of life. You might hear these and recognize yourself or someone you know. Imagine a psychotherapist who works with survivors of domestic violence. They've never been abused themselves yet, after years of hearing story after story of cruelty and betrayal, find themselves feeling constantly on edge at home. When they hear a sudden noise, their heart pounds. They have dreams about clients' experiences. They start to see strangers as potential threats. The therapist might even begin to feel hopeless, thinking is there any place that's safe in the world? Their sense of safety and trust has shifted because of empathetic exposure to trauma. This is classic vicarious trauma. Their worldview has changed and they're showing trauma-like stress responses.

Kapri: 16:55

Let's think about it from the perspective of a healthcare worker or first responder. Consider an emergency room nurse who has treated many accident victims. He's skilled at staying calm during a crisis, but lately he's been having trouble sleeping and finds himself reimagining the pain of the patients he couldn't save. He snaps at his family over little things and has become emotionally distant. When his teenage son wants to go on a road trip, the nurse forbids it, overcome by fear for his son's safety because of all the tragedies he's seen. In this case, the nurse's constant exposure to others' trauma is leading to anxiety, irritability and overprotectiveness. He might also be edging into compassion fatigue, feeling like he can't just muster empathy for yet another injured patient which troubles him because he wants to care, but he's just so worn out.

Kapri: 17:53

Now let's think of it from the lens of an activist who tirelessly documents and speaks out against human trafficking. She spends hours reading survivors' testimonies, watching documentary footage and campaigning for change. Over time she notices she becomes depressed and cynical. She feels a deep rage at the world and sometimes an overwhelming sadness that hits out of nowhere. Little by little she's lost the ability to feel joy, even on the days off, because her mind is always pulled back to the stories of suffering. She might also feel guilty if she has a moment of happiness, thinking how can I relax when so many are hurting? This is vicarious trauma. In the realm of advocacy, the work is meaningful, but it has soaked her in trauma to the point that she's drowning in it. Activists and reporters often experience this. Some reports note common signs in these roles include lingering anger, sadness or even despair at the state of the world, as well as physical stress and symptoms.

Kapri: 18:57

Then if you imagine from the perspective of a world, as well as physical stress and symptoms, then if you imagine from the perspective of a caregiver or a family member. Imagine you have a close friend who went through something terrible, say a serious assault or an accident. You've been by their side, hearing all the details, helping them through panic attacks at 2, 3 am, and maybe you're dealing with medical or legal systems as well. Out of love, you've been deeply involved in their recovery. But now you find that you are anxious and hypervigilant. You double-check the locks at night more than you used to. You feel emotionally exhausted and maybe even a bit numb. In social situations, you can't relate to others who chat about trivial things, because your mind is occupied by what your friend went through. This is a case where being a supportive friend or family member leads to a vicarious trauma. You weren't the direct victim, but you almost feel as if you were.

Kapri: 19:50

And then let's think about the media and news consumers. Finally, consider an average person who, many like us, wakes up and checks the news on their phone Lately. It seems like every day there's a new tragedy, a new problem, a natural disaster, a mass shooting, airplanes crashing, stories of refugees in crisis. This person finds themselves glued to the news, wanting to stay informed and empathetic. But after weeks and months of this, they start to notice they're feeling depressed about the world. They have a constant undercurrent of anxiety and a sense of doom. They might have images from the news pop into their head while at work or trying to sleep. Perhaps they've become desensitized to sleep. Perhaps they've become desensitized Each new tragedy numbs them a bit more or, conversely, each new tragedy adds to a growing ball of grief in their chest. This could very well be vicarious trauma via media exposure.

Kapri: 20:51

In our connected era, many of us experience a degree of this without realizing it. We carry the collective trauma of events we never personally experienced simply because we've witnessed them through screens. As we discussed, studies confirm that heavy exposure to media coverage of traumatic events can cause real stress reactions, sometimes nearly as acute as being there. Do any of these scenarios sound familiar to you? If you're nodding your head, you're certainly not alone.

Kapri: 21:24

Vicarious trauma can affect anyone with a capacity for empathy. It's actually a testament to the depth of your caring. You hurt because you love, because you value life and safety and justice, but you do not have to sacrifice your own well-being in the process. In fact, to keep being the compassionate person you are, you will need to take steps to care for yourself, and that's not selfish. It's essential. As the saying goes, you can't pour from an empty cup. If your empathetic cup is drained or cracked from vicarious trauma, we need to refill it and mend it. So let's shift now to how we can recognize vicarious trauma in ourselves early and what we can do to process and navigate it in a healthy way.

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One of the first steps to recognizing vicarious trauma in yourself is simply acknowledgement. Often people going through vicarious trauma don't realize it. You might think why am I feeling this way? I have no right to be upset, it didn't even happen to me. Let's pause right there. If you take one thing away from this episode, let it be permission to acknowledge your pain, even if it's secondhand. Your feelings are valid. Empathy doesn't require permission. It's a natural response and sometimes it hurts.

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So how do you know you're carrying someone else's trauma? Start by tuning into your internal signals, like those we talked about. Are you frequently exhausted Beyond what a good sleep would fix? Do you find yourself tearful, angry or numb in ways that are not usual for you? Are you having thoughts or images you wish you could unsee? Are stories and problems that aren't personally yours nonetheless weighing on you like a heavy backpack that you carry everywhere? These can all be signs that you've got some vicarious trauma going on. So I want you to ask yourself gently what's affecting me lately. You might even journal about this, sometimes writing out I've been feeling X every since I heard or saw Y can draw the connection clearly. For example, I haven't been sleeping well ever since I watched the documentary about the war. Or I've been really anxious about my kids after working on that child abuse case at my job.

Kapri: 23:42

Drawing the line from effect to cause I feel this way, possibly because of the experience I witnessed is a powerful realization. It externalizes the issue a bit. Instead of something's wrong with me, you realize oh, I was affected by that traumatic story. This realization itself is helpful because it reduces self-blame and confusion. Another thing to recognize is that vicarious trauma can sneak up gradually. It's not only one big event, though. It can be, as in seeing a singular horrific news event. More often it's cumulative. The hundredth hard story is the one that makes you break down, even if story number 99 didn't.

Kapri: 24:49

So if you're in a role or life situation with continued exposure to other struggles, make it a habit to check in with yourself regularly. Don't wait until you're at a breaking point. Ask on a weekly or even daily basis how am I doing? Am I carrying stress that's not originally mine? What's the state of my heart and mind today? And remember, if you identify that you are experiencing vicarious trauma, it's not a sign of weakness or that you're bad at your work or too sensitive. In fact, it's a sign that you have been strong and compassionate for others. Your mind and body are just telling you that it's time to care for you now.

Kapri: 25:29

All right, now let's talk about healing, coping and navigating forward. We've painted perhaps a daunting picture of vicarious trauma's weight, but there is a hopeful side. There are many ways to address it, lighten that load and even grow stronger through the process. Just as physical wounds can heal, emotional and vicarious wounds can heal too, especially when we tend to them with intention. In fact, people sometimes find that working with trauma, even indirectly, they gain wisdom, empathy and resilience they never had before. But to get to that point, we have to process the trauma and take care of ourselves. We can think of coping in three phases Recognize, process and navigate. We've already covered recognizing, seeing and admitting what's going on. Next comes processing what you're feeling and then navigating life, going forward with tools and boundaries that protect your well-being. Let's delve into supportive strategies in a practical way.

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I want you to first give yourself space to feel when you realize you've been affected by others' trauma. One of the healthiest things you can do is allow yourself to process those feelings in a safe way. That might mean talking it out with someone you trust, maybe a friend, a partner, a support group or a therapist. Simply telling someone I'm really impacted by what I heard and naming the emotions sadness, fear, anger, etc can be a huge relief. Humans are social creatures. Sharing our emotional burdens usually makes them lighter. If you don't feel like talking or you don't have someone you feel comfortable sharing with, journaling is another excellent outlet. Write down what's on your mind. You can write a letter you never send, expressing all your anger at the injustices you've seen or all your sorrow for the people who are hurting. The page can hold it for you, so you don't have to hold it alone in your heart.

Kapri: 27:33

Some people process indirectly through art, music or movement. You might draw or paint what you're feeling, even if you're not an artist. Listen to music that matches your mood and let yourself cry. Or listen to music that lifts your mood to help you shift state. If you like to sing or play an instrument, pour your feelings into that Dance or just shake your body. Actually, shaking can be remarkably therapeutic. Many animals literally shake for a few minutes after a life-threatening event to discharge the adrenaline. We humans can do something similar after absorbing stressful stories Stand up, shake it off, do a whole body wiggle or shake out your limbs. It might feel silly, but it can help release tension and reset your nervous system. You might want to try some somatic movement. I'll put some information and resources in the show notes for you.

Kapri: 28:25

Sometimes the weight of vicarious trauma is too much to unpack on your own, and that is absolutely okay. Consider talking to a trauma-informed therapist, particularly one that is an anti-oppressive and culturally responsive. So if you feel you're really struggling, the therapists are trained to help exactly with this sort of thing. In fact, they themselves often have to process their own vicarious trauma with peers or mentors. There are specific therapy approaches, like trauma-focused CBT, emdr and somatic therapies and more, that can help release trauma that's lodged in your mind and body. Even a short series of therapy sessions can teach you coping tools and give you a safe space to unload the hardest parts of what you've been carrying. Think of it like seeing a physiotherapist for a sprained ankle. If your psyche is sprained from empathetic strain, a therapist can help to heal it correctly. There is truly no shame in seeking help. It's an act of wisdom and strength.

Kapri: 29:30

After you've begun to process the emotions, it's important to cultivate ongoing habits and boundaries that will protect you from further harm and rebuild your resilience. Here's some strategies and practices for navigating vicarious trauma in a healthy way. Set healthy boundaries. This is huge. Boundaries are like the membrane, to borrow from our podcast metaphor, that lets in what nourishes you and keeps out what harms you.

Kapri: 29:58

If you're a helper by nature, you might feel guilty setting limits, but remember boundaries are not walls, they are healthy filters. In practice, setting boundaries might mean limiting your exposure to traumatic content. If you're finding the news is triggering, you give yourself permission to take a media break or curate what you watch. For example, stick to reading headlines in the morning for 10 minutes instead of watching hours of live footage. If you're in a helping profession, boundaries might mean not taking work home with you, for example, avoiding checking work email at night or having a ritual for mentally closing the day. It's also okay to say no or not right now to taking on additional emotional labor when you're at capacity.

Kapri: 30:47

If a friend calls to vent about their troubles and you're feeling drained, it's kind to yourself and ultimately to them to sometimes say I'm so sorry I am not in a good place to listen deeply today. Can we talk tomorrow? I'm so sorry I am not in a good place to listen deeply today. Can we talk tomorrow or direct them to another support At work? It could mean speaking up to a supervisor about needing rotation off particularly traumatic cases if possible, or at least taking a personal day to decompress.

Kapri: 31:15

Boundaries also apply internally. Remember yourself you are not responsible for saving everyone or fixing everything. You can care deeply without carrying everything. Visualize setting down a heavy bag of stones, each stone being someone else's story, and remind yourself that it's not your job to carry all of that all the time. Next, I want you to prioritize rest and self-care. Rest is not a luxury. It's a necessity, especially when you're dealing with vicarious trauma.

Kapri: 31:55

Trauma, direct or indirect, keeps our nervous system on high alert. Rest and sleep are what help bring it back to baseline. Make sure you are getting good sleep as best you can. This might involve practicing good sleep hygiene. I talk about this more in episode 12. Like limiting screen time before bed, creating a soothing bedtime routine or using relaxation techniques to help you wind down Beyond sleep. Think about regular downtime in your day or week Schedule breaks and honor them. This could be short breaks, like stepping outside for five minutes of fresh air and gentle stretching during a tough work day and longer breaks, like taking a day off or a weekend off from any heavy content. Engage in activities that recharge you. Maybe that's reading a comforting book, watching a funny movie Laughter is medicine Cooking a nice meal or spending time on a hobby. Physical self-care is really important too, so try to eat nourishing foods, stay hydrated and get some movement, exercise, because these all improve your body's resilience to stress. Remember, the nurse is our example. If he takes some vacation days, gets extra sleep, maybe does some exercise or therapy, his symptoms can improve significantly. Burnout and vicarious trauma both are alleviated by rest and replenishment of your depleted energies.

Kapri: 34:09

Next, I want you to practice embodiment and grounding. Trauma can pull us out of our bodies. We get stuck in our head. Conversely, we feel disconnected from our bodies, like numb or in a daze. Embodiment practices are things that help us come back into your body in a safe, gentle way and help your nervous system feel grounded in the present moment. Examples of this include mindful breathing exercises, meditation, yoga or gentle stretching, and also progressive muscle relaxation, or even simple things like taking a hot bath and feeling the warmth, or walking barefoot on grass and feeling the earth under you. These practices send signals to your brain that right now, in this moment, you are safe. They can lower that chronic stress response.

Kapri: 34:54

Let's try a quick grounding exercise together, if you're up for it. Look around and let's find five things you can see right now and then four things you can feel, like the texture of your clothes or the chair under you. Then three things you can hear, two things you can smell and one thing you can taste, even if it's just lingering taste of coffee or toothpaste. We've talked about this in previous episodes, but this is called the 5-4-3-2-1 grounding technique and it's a handy sensory exercise and tool that can help in moments of overwhelm. Practices like these help you shift your focus to the here and now, into your body. Interrupting spinning anxious thoughts and, over time, regularly doing mindfulness or other body-centered practices can increase your overall resilience. It's like training your body to know how to relax and release tension. Research shows that relaxation techniques, even simple deep breathing, can reduce symptoms of traumatic stress by calming the sympathetic nervous system, which is the fight or flight response.

Kapri: 36:00

I also want you to connect with support and community. Know that you're not alone, even if you want to just text the show and talk to us you can. Vicarious trauma can make us feel very isolated, like we're carrying a dark secret or like no one gets it. But many people have been through this and sharing with others can be profoundly healing. Consider joining a peer support group, if one is available for your situation. For example, some professions have regular debriefing groups and there are support groups for caregivers and activists and beyond. If a formal group isn't available, even informally talking with colleagues or friends who do similar work can help. Sometimes just hearing I felt that way too from someone else can lift a huge burden of guilt or weirdness you might feel about your reactions.

Kapri: 36:51

Community care can also mean letting others take care of you. Sometimes the activists in our example might benefit from spending time with fellow activists, not just to work but to heal together. Maybe they organize a wellness circle or just grab dinner and talk about how the work is affecting them emotionally, sharing coping strategies and even humor. Yes, sometimes dark humor surfaces among helpers as a coping mechanism. This can create a sense of solidarity. Beyond talking, community care might be tangible support. Maybe a friend can watch your kids for an afternoon to give you a break, or a co-worker can swap a shift or your partner gives you a long hug and listens while you vent.

Kapri: 37:33

Let yourself receive the care from others just as you give. You deserve it just as much as anyone else. I also want you to cultivate self-compassion. This one is more of an inner practice, but it's very important.

Kapri: 37:48

Often people are experiencing vicarious trauma and they might criticize themselves for not handling it better or for being too sensitive. Try to catch those thoughts and flip them into a compassionate, understanding voice. Treat yourself with the same kindness you would treat a dear friend who was going through this. Remember yourself that it's okay not to be okay sometimes. It's also okay to need help. It's okay to prioritize yourself, and one practical exercise is to literally say or write kind words to yourself. For example, I've been going through a lot by caring for others. It makes sense that I'm tired. I deserve rest, or my empathy is a gift, but it's also heavy. I'm allowed to set it down when I need to.

Kapri: 38:36

By affirming that your feelings are valid and that you deserve care, you counteract the internal pressure to just tough it out. Self-compassion breaks the cycle of guilt and lets healing in. Sometimes, self-compassion involves letting go of unrealistic standards. Maybe you feel you have to save everyone, or you have to be strong all the time. Acknowledge you're human. Even heroes need to pause and tend to their wounds. Next, I want you to focus on meaning and positive, so reframe the experience.

Kapri: 39:12

Trauma, direct or vicarious, can make the world seem bleak, so it's important to also remind yourself of the goodness that still exists and the positive impact of your caring. This isn't about ignoring the bad. It's about Maybe one person you helped is doing better, or your advocacy led to even a minor change. Celebrate those. Remind yourself why you do this and the values that drive you. Many find it helpful to keep a gratitude journal or simply take a moment each day to note a few things that are going right or that you appreciate A friendly co-worker, a beautiful sunset, a piece of music that moved you. This isn't about toxic positivity applied to the trauma, but to ensure that the trauma isn't all you see.

Kapri: 40:07

If you've been consuming a lot of bad news, make an effort to also seek out stories of hope and resilience. There are people healing, communities rebuilding and helpers making a difference. In fact, sometimes witnessing how people overcome adversity can instill a sense of vicarious resilience in us, a term that therapists use for the positive impact of seeing others strengthen recovery. For example, a counselor might feel inspired and strengthened by seeing a client heal over time. An activist might feel hope after a loss passed that they fought for. Notice these uplifting moments. They are the antidotes to despair, and I also want you to engage in activities that empower you.

Kapri: 40:52

One reason vicarious trauma can hit us so hard is the feeling of powerlessness Seeing awful things happen and maybe feeling like you can't change them. The strategy to combat that is to do something, however small, that gives you a sense of agency. That could be volunteering or donating to a cause related to the trauma you witnessed, in a measured way, though that doesn't re-traumatize you, of course. For example, if you're haunted by news of a disaster, maybe you contribute to a relief fund or help organize supplies a small action that tells your brain I am actively helping, not just passively suffering. If you're affected by a friend's ordeal, maybe you channel your feelings into organizing a supportive gesture or raising awareness, being mindful not to overextend here. The idea is to empower, not to heat more on your plate, but doing something proactive can transform some of that helpless anguish into purposeful energy. It reminds you that even in the face of large problems. You are not helpless.

Kapri: 41:58

Lastly, I want to emphasize if you ever feel like the weight of vicarious trauma or any stress is leading to thoughts of hopelessness or self-harm, please reach out for professional help immediately. Information can be found in the show notes. Crisis counselors, therapists and helplines like the 988 Suicide and Crisis Lifeline in the US, are there for you, judgment-free. Sometimes, vicarious trauma can fuel depression or traumatic stress to the point where you need urgent support. There is absolutely no shame in that, and you matter and help is available.

Kapri: 42:37

We've covered a lot of ground, from understanding what vicarious trauma is to recognizing its signs, differentiating it from burnout and compassion fatigue, and exploring strategies to cope and heal. By now, I hope one message is loud and clear your empathy and caring nature, while it can cause you pain, is ultimately a strength. Vicarious trauma happens because we allow ourselves to connect with others and to love. The world truly needs empathy and caring people like you, and to sustain that empathy, you need to care for yourself with the same fervor and tenderness that you care for others. In trauma work, there's a concept known as vicarious resilience that idea that, along with absorbing pain, caregivers and witnesses can also absorb strength and inspiration from those they help For instance, seeing a trauma survivor find meaning in life again or a community rebuild after a tragedy can infuse you with hope and a sense of purpose. Try to notice those moments of resilience. Let them touch you as deeply as the pain does. Every story of trauma you carry might also have a story of courage or recovery attached. Focus on those parts too, and let them give you strength.

Kapri: 43:52

As we wrap up, let's take one more mindful moment together, if you're able, gently close your eyes, if that's comfortable, or soften your gaze. Take a slow breath in through the nose and out through the mouth. Feel your feet on the ground or your body supported in your seat. You are here in the present. You are safe in this moment. All the people whose stories have weighed on you. Imagine gently setting those stories down. You're not throwing them away or forgetting them. You're just placing them on a shelf for now, allowing yourself to rest.

Kapri: 44:34

You can be compassionate without carrying the full burden 24-7. Picture yourself surrounded by a warm light or maybe a kind of protective membrane. There's that membrane theme again that filters in love and support from others and filters out the toxicity of trauma that isn't yours. You can still see and care about suffering, but with a healthy boundary that says I can witness and help, but I don't have to absorb this into my body. When you're ready, take another deep breath and slowly open your eyes, bringing your attention back to the room. Slowly open your eyes, bringing your attention back to the room. Thank you for sharing this space with me today.

Kapri: 45:18

I know today's topic was heavier than most, but it's such an important one. If you're dealing with vicarious trauma, I want you to know you're not alone and that healing is possible by recognizing it and taking the steps. We talked about setting boundaries, getting rest and taking the steps. We talked about setting boundaries, getting rest, leaning on support, grounding yourself and seeking help when needed. You can find balance again. You can continue to care deeply without losing yourself. In fact, you might find that caring for yourself makes you even more effective supporting others in the long run. Be patient and gentle with yourself as you put these ideas into practice.

Kapri: 45:56

Healing and replenishment take time, just as it took time for vicarious trauma to build up. Celebrate small victories the day you finally sleep better, or the moment you watch the news and notice I'm okay, I can turn this off and it's fine, or when you help someone and later are still able to laugh at a funny joke or enjoy a walk, realizing the sorrow didn't swallow you. Those moments show that you are building resilience. Before we close, I invite you to carry one affirmation with you my well-being matters. Taking care of myself is a vital part of caring for others, because it truly is. When you are well your compassion can shine without burning you out. It becomes a steady light rather than a scorching flame.

Kapri: 46:45

Thank you for listening to this episode of Reframing the Membrane. I hoped it offered you some insight, validation and useful strategies regarding vicarious trauma. If you found this episode helpful, feel free to share it with others in your life who might be experiencing similar stress. Sometimes, just having a name for what you're going through and knowing it's a real thing can be a huge relief and a first step toward healing. Until next time, take good care of you. Remember that you can hold compassion for others and for yourself. Both are necessary and both are deserved. Be well, and I look forward to reconnecting in our next episode. You are not alone and you're doing the best you can, and that is enough.