Kapri: 0:44

Hello and welcome. I'm your host, Kapri. Today, we're continuing our discussion focusing on emotional regulation, what it means, why it matters and how you can start practicing simple changes to improve and balance your emotions. The ideas that we'll explore today are drawn from various therapeutic modalities and, while they're not a substitute for working with a therapist, they offer opportunities for you to start practicing reframing and emotional regulation in your everyday life.

Kapri: 1:10

The Reframing the Membrane Crossing Boundaries podcast is provided solely for informational and entertainment purposes. It is not intended to replace professional medical or mental health advice, diagnosis or treatment, nor does it substitute for a relationship with a licensed mental health clinician. Always consult your physician before deciding about your physical or mental health.

Kapri: 1:33

There was a time when my mind felt like it was trapped in a relentless cycle of negativity. Every waking moment seemed consumed by thoughts of what could go wrong. The weight of this constant worry manifested as fear and nervousness, and it permeated every aspect of my life. Looking back, it's clear how deeply intertwined negative thoughts and emotions are. It's like a feedback loop. Negative thinking fuels negative emotions, which, in turn, reinforce those thoughts. At its worst, this loop drives behaviors that sabotage our goals and prevent us from living the life we truly desire. Breaking free from this cycle required me to recognize that to change my behaviors, I first had to address both my thoughts and emotions. The good news transforming one naturally influences the other. As I worked to shift my thought patterns, I noticed that my emotional state was improving. As I worked to shift my thought patterns, I noticed that my emotional state was improving. Likewise, learning to navigate my emotions more effectively brought clarity and a sense of control over my thoughts. This realization was a turning point. It's not about erasing negative emotions or pretending that they don't exist. Rather, it's about learning how to channel those emotions constructively.

Kapri: 2:47

Our emotions, even the challenging ones like anger, fear or sadness, carry valuable insights and can be powerful motivators when handled thoughtfully. For instance, the same fear that once paralyzed me can now push me to prepare thoroughly for challenges. Through trial and error, I discovered that emotional regulation isn't about suppression or denial. It's about integration. Instead of shoving difficult emotions into this metaphorical closet, only for them to show up and show out later, I learned to acknowledge and accept them. This shift from resistance to acceptance allowed me to work with my emotions rather than against them.

Kapri: 3:29

Our emotions aren't just arbitrary feelings. They're a vital feedback system that help us to navigate the world. Imagine them as signals that are guiding us toward actions that align with our values and beliefs, or alerting us when something feels off. But here's the catch If we let our emotions run unchecked, they can misguide us. Conversely, if we ignore them completely, we lose a critical source of information. Understanding this dynamic brought clarity to the interplay between thoughts, emotions and behaviors. Thoughts influence emotions, which in turn drive behaviors. So if you believe that you're not good enough, that thought will likely stir feelings of inadequacy or anxiety. Those emotions might lead you to avoid taking risk perpetuating this belief. But here's the empowering part Change any one element, whether it's your thoughts, emotions or behaviors, and the others will begin to shift as well. Let's say you're overwhelmed by negative thoughts and emotions. Well, let's say you're overwhelmed by negative thoughts and emotions.

Kapri: 4:30

One of the most effective ways to break free is by intentionally engaging in an activity that brings you joy or comfort. For me, this might mean taking a walk on the beach or in my favorite park, or diving into a creative project like making candles or aromatherapy oils. Physical movement in particular has a profound effect on shifting emotional and mental states. When we move our bodies, our emotions often follow suit, creating a cascade of positive changes. But what if you can't change your environment or take immediate action? This is where tools like affirmations, which I shared with you previously and I'll share some more by the end of this episode, and visualization sensory techniques come in. Writing down negative thoughts and reframing them into affirmations is a powerful exercise. For instance, if you often think I'm not capable, try reframing it with I am learning and growing every day. Repeat these affirmations consistently and over time they'll start to reshape your internal narrative. Visualization and using your sensory skills can amplify this effect. Take a moment to close your eyes and imagine yourself succeeding in the very scenario that feels daunting. Picture the sights, the sounds and the feelings of that success. By engaging your senses, you make the experience feel real, which strengthens your belief in the possibility.

Kapri: 5:54

One of the most profound lessons I've learned is that our beliefs shape our reality. Many of the beliefs that we carry weren't consciously chosen. They were handed to us by our parents, teachers or society. For example, being told repeatedly that you're bad at math or you'll never amount to anything. I actually had a grade school teacher tell me this when I was a little girl. And those are during your formative years and, while you might not believe it, it sticks with you and it shapes who you can become. It might even lead you unknowingly to avoid challenges in that area, reinforcing the belief. But beliefs are not facts, they're perceptions, and perceptions can be changed, and that's why it's very important to understand our exposure and our experiences that we're having with teachers and society in general, especially as youth in those formative development years, because this is often the time where the work that we're going to carry forward into adulthood is being developed, nurtured or damaged. So to shift a limiting belief, you first need to identify it, then replace it with a more empowering one. Using the math example, you might start telling yourself I can improve this practice. Pair this with a small, consistent action that reinforces the new belief, like tackling a manageable math problem each day. Over time, these actions and affirmations will rewire your mindset.

Kapri: 7:28

I was working with someone yesterday, and she was very overwhelmed and convinced that everyone was blaming her for an incident that she had no control over, and that people were judging her and having all of these negative perceptions about her and they were looking at her funny, looking at her some sort of way, and so she had all of this going on in her head about what they might be thinking, and I helped her ground herself by simply stating come back to reality. Is this fact or fiction? These are grounding techniques that are so simple but really just help you to stop, reframe and understand what's driving this emotion, what's driving the feeling, and is this even fact? Is this even true? And we agree that none of it was real. None of it was true that she wasn't a mind reader. These were strangers, and so she actually didn't know what they were thinking of her, but these are thoughts that she has of herself, and so she was manifesting that into a reality. So we have to be very mindful about how we talk to ourselves and how we think about ourselves, and the best thing that we can do is pour positivity and light into ourselves as we're having those conversations.

Kapri: 8:46

Another key to emotional regulation is taking full responsibility for your responses. This doesn't mean blaming yourself for everything that goes wrong. It means recognizing your power to choose how you react. While you can't control other people's actions, you can control your own. The shift from external blame to internal empowerment is liberating. To internal empowerment is liberating. It reminds us that, no matter what the circumstances are, we have agency. Again, it reminds us that no matter the circumstances, we have agency. This journey isn't about perfection. It's about progress. There will be setbacks, but each step forward builds resilience. As you practice emotional regulation, you'll notice not only changes in how you feel, but also improvements in your relationships, decision-making and overall well-being.

Kapri: 9:36

Mindfulness is about living with awareness in the present moment. It involves waking up from autopilot behaviors to actively engage in our lives. It's not about controlling every thought or emotion, but observing them without judgment and with curiosity. Practicing Thank you. One is reducing suffering and increasing happiness. By observing our experiences without judgment, we can reduce the grip of pain, tension and stress. Another is increasing control over the mind. Instead of being reactive, we become responsive, making conscious choices rather than letting emotions dictate our actions. And third is experiencing reality as it is. When we engage fully with the present moment, we see things clearly our interconnection with others, our inherent worth and the opportunities available in each moment.

Kapri: 10:44

For me to continue the discussion around mindfulness, and particularly skills that you can practice every day, that are simple and easy to understand and to follow and integrate into your daily life, many have also shared that they feel a lack of worth and a lack of purpose, and so, by focusing on the benefits that mindfulness offers around reducing suffering and increasing happiness, increasing control over the mind and really focusing on reality with curiosity and a connectedness is the goal.

Kapri: 11:23

Before we discuss specific skills, it's essential to understand the purpose of mindfulness practice At its core. Mindfulness helps us navigate life's challenges with greater clarity and balance. Life inevitably presents problems and our responses shape our experience. We have options when facing any challenge. We can solve the problem, we can change how we feel about the problem. We can tolerate the problem or we can stay miserable or make it worse. Mindfulness equips us to approach problems with awareness, giving us the tools to choose one of the first three options rather than defaulting to the last. It also serves as the gateway to emotional regulation, providing the clarity we need to balance emotional reactivity with thoughtful responses. By grounding ourselves in the present, we're better able to pause, reflect and choose responses that align with our values. More in a minute.

Kapri: 12:18

Are you ready to make a difference in your community? In our Speak Out Advocacy series, we're here to empower you to use your voice for change. Whether improving access to mental health care, reducing stigma or shaping important social policies, this series provides the tools to create a lasting impact. If advocating for better care, breaking down barriers or transforming mental health services speaks to your heart, this is the perfect space to learn and take action. Do you have a topic you're passionate about or need support advocating for yourself or others? We'd love to hear from you. Text the show to share your thoughts. Just check the details in the show notes. Together, let's build a community that fosters change.

Kapri: 13:00

Keep enjoying reframing the membrane reacting impulsively from raw emotion or over analyzing with cold, detached logic. Neither extreme serves us well in the long run. Emotional regulation is about finding a middle ground, acknowledging our emotions while tempering them with reason. It's about learning how to respond to situations in ways that are both thoughtful and authentic. Emotional regulation doesn't mean suppressing your feelings or ignoring facts. Instead, it means integrating these aspects of yourself to create a response that feels balanced and intentional. Think of it like balancing on a tightrope Emotion provides the energy and drive, while logic provides the stability and direction. Together, they help you move forward. The balance of emotion and logic is sometimes referred to as the integration of emotion, mind and logic. Mind In emotion mind, we're overwhelmed by feelings, making it hard to think clearly. In logic mind, it's the opposite, so we're detached, analytical and focused solely on the facts. Neither state fully encompasses our needs. When we combine the best of both, often referred to in DBT practice as wise mind, we reach what's known as a balanced state of mind, one that integrates emotional intuition and rational problem solving.

Kapri: 14:27

One practice for cultivating emotional balance is visualization. Imagine yourself as a small stone released into a calm lake. As the stone sinks, it passes through layers of water, each layer quieter and more still than the one above. The ripples created by the stone's entry into the water fade quickly, leaving the surface calm again. At the bottom of the lake, the stone rests in complete stillness, untouched by the turbulence above. This visualization represents finding your center, a place within you that remains calm and steady even when life feels chaotic. Another helpful visualization is descending a spiral staircase. If you're able, picture yourself walking slowly down a winding set of stairs, each step bringing you deeper into your core. As you descend, you leave behind the noise and distractions of daily life. When you reach the bottom, you're grounded, present and ready to approach challenges with clarity and balance.

Kapri: 15:28

Emotional regulation involves recognizing these moments and applying practical skills to manage them effectively. These skills are not about ignoring your emotions, but about creating space to respond thoughtfully rather than to react impulsively. One approach is to use your body's natural systems to calm your mind. For example, splashing your face with cold water can activate the body's dive reflex, which slows your heart rate and calms your nervous system. Intense physical activity, even for a short time, can help burn off excess emotional energy, slowing your breathing, focusing on long exhales, then inhales can signal your body to relax. Another set of strategies involves distraction when emotions are too intense to process. Temporarily shifting your focus can provide relief. Engage in an activity that requires your attention, like cooking, organizing or solving a puzzle. Helping someone else, even with something small, can also shift your perspective and reduce emotional overwhelm. Watching a humorous video or listening to uplifting music can lift your mood and reduce emotional overwhelm. Watching a humorous video or listening to uplifting music can lift your mood and create a sense of distance from the immediate intensity of your feelings.

Kapri: 16:44

In addition to distraction, self-soothing is a vital component of emotional regulation. This involves using your senses to create comfort and calm. For instance, you might look at a beautiful sunset artwork or cherished photographs, or listen to soothing music, nature sounds or a favorite podcast. Smelling a calming scent like lavender, fresh coffee or even baked goods can help, or taste something comforting like a piece of dark chocolate or herbal tea, or touching something soft like a blanket, or taking a warm shower. Self-soothing is not about avoiding your emotions, but creating a safe space to experience and process them without becoming overwhelmed. And then there's reframing through acceptance.

Kapri: 17:28

A cornerstone of emotional regulation is the ability to accept reality as it is. This doesn't mean giving up or condoning harmful situations, but recognizing that resistance to reality often creates additional suffering. For example, if you're stuck in traffic, resisting that reality by stewing in frustration doesn't change the situation. It only makes it worse. By accepting the situation, you free yourself to think more clearly and respond in ways that align with your values. Acceptance also applies to emotions themselves.

Kapri: 17:59

If you're feeling sadness, anger or anxiety, fighting those feelings often intensifies them. Instead, try saying to yourself this is what I'm feeling right now and that's okay. This simple act of acknowledgement can reduce the intensity of the emotion and create space for thoughtful action. One of my favorites is practicing opposite actions. So sometimes emotional regulation involves doing the opposite of what your emotions are urging you to do or what people expect you to do. If anger makes you want to lash out, practice speaking kindly instead. If fear tempts you to avoid a situation, take a small step toward confronting it. If sadness makes you want to withdraw, seek out connection with someone you trust. These small, deliberate actions can shift your emotional state and help you regain a sense of control.

Kapri: 18:49

Successful people quickly recognize when they are having negative thoughts and utilize several strategies to change their thinking. Let's develop three phrases that you can use to reframe your membrane from negative thinking to positive thinking. Pause, grab a pen and pad and write down three powerful phrases that you'll use to reframe negative thinking into positive self-talk. These phrases need to be powerful so when you use them, you believe wholeheartedly that you will be successful at whatever task is currently at hand. Over the next week, practice this skill. Look for situations where your negative thoughts seem to take over. Pause and reflect on the situation. Then use the positive self-talk skill to transform the unpleasantness of the situation and write down your experiences. You can also share your thoughts with me by texting the show. If you need more help, listen to episode 9 to learn more about reframing negativity into empowering self-talk. As you practice the skill of positive self-talk, note the following what event occurred to activate your emotion? What negative thoughts occurred? What positive self-talk phrases did you use to change the way you felt? What did you observe? What changed? What emotion did you experience? How helpful did you find this skill was to reduce unpleasant emotions? As you practice self-care, be kind and non-judgmental toward yourself. Be mindful of the moment and focus on the desired outcome for each situation. Remember that I encouraged you to speak kindly to yourself and highlighted the impact of affirmations. Here are more you can customize and practice.

Kapri: 20:25

I exude beauty, intelligence and grace. I am a beacon of light and a pillar of strength for those around me. The love I have for myself reflects my strength and inner beauty. I am an ongoing work of art, continuously evolving and eternally beautiful. I am enough, just as I am an ongoing work of art, continuously evolving and eternally beautiful. I am enough, just as I am. I recognize my worth and stand confidently in my power. My dreams hold value, my goals are attainable and my vision is clear. Now hug yourself. You earned it.

Jasper: 20:56

Reframing can be a powerful tool for shifting our mindset, processing experiences and practicing self-care. By looking at situations from different perspectives, we can often find new insights, opportunities for growth or a sense of relief. However, it's important to acknowledge that not everything can or should be reframed to create a positive mindset. We are not here to promote toxic positivity which dismisses genuine pain or invalidates difficult emotions. Instead, we recognize that while reframing can be helpful, there are limits, especially when it comes to trauma and harrowing experiences. If you can, practicing reframing can be part of a broader self-care toolkit to help you navigate life's challenges. But remember self-care isn't a replacement for professional mental health support. When self-care practices aren't enough, seeking help from a therapist or counselor is essential. You'll find resources and support options in the show notes. Now let's review a few practical exercises you can use anytime to help shift your thinking and approach challenging situations with a fresh perspective. Let's try a thought tracking and reframing exercise. This exercise helps identify automatic negative thoughts and encourages a positive reframe. Take a piece of paper and divide it into three columns negative thought, evidence and reframed thought. In the negative thought column, write down a recent negative or limiting thought you experienced. For example, I always fail at new tasks. In the evidence column, write down facts or situations that support this thought and facts that contradict it. For example, I struggled in the beginning but I eventually mastered a new software at work software at work. In the reframed thought column, challenge the negative thought and rewrite it in a balanced or positive way, for example. I may struggle initially, but I have proven that I can learn and succeed over time. The goal is to help recognize cognitive distortions and practice generating a more balanced perspective. How did go Text the show? And let me know Pause if you need more time to complete the exercise. Otherwise we'll try another one.

Jasper: 23:07

The next activity helps to challenge assumptions and find alternative explanations for difficult situations. Recall a recent situation that activated a strong emotional reaction, for example, feeling ignored during a meeting. Write down your initial interpretation. For example, during a meeting, write down your initial interpretation. For example, they ignored me because my input wasn't valuable. Ask yourself what else could this mean? Brainstorm at least three alternative explanations. For example, they may have been preoccupied with their agenda. It could be that they didn't hear me. Perhaps it wasn't the right time for my input. Choose the most plausible alternative and reflect on how this reframe changes your feelings about the situation. The goal is to disrupt automatic negative interpretations and create space for more flexible and adaptive thinking. How did it go? Text the show and let me know Pause if you need more time to complete the exercise.

Kapri: 23:57

As we close, I encourage you to reflect on the ideas we explored today and in previous episodes. Emotional regulation is a practice, not a destination. It's about small, consistent steps that build resilience over time. Start by noticing your emotional patterns. Write them down. When do you tend to react impulsively? When do you shut down? How can you begin to create space for balance in those moments? Remember the tools we've discussed today mindfulness, visualization, self-soothing, reframing and opposite actions are starting points. They're not quick fixes, but practices that grow stronger with time and effort. And if you find yourself struggling, reach out to a therapist or trusted professional who can guide you further on this journey. Thank you for joining me on Reframing the Membrane. Each moment is an opportunity to practice and grow. If you enjoyed today's episode, don't forget to subscribe and follow, leave a review and share it with someone who might benefit from these insights. For more resources, check the show notes, visit our website at reframingthemembranecom and follow us on social media. Together, let's continue exploring ways to build balance and resilience. Until next time, stay curious.